Why Love “Seems Not To Be Your Thing”

Why Love “Seems Not To Be Your Thing”

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An art piece of Godfrey Kawere titled, couple II exhibited at Nommo Gallery Kampala on July 20 2004. Photo by Ronnie Kijjambu

By D’zyre Derekford Mugumisa (@dzyre256)

If you watched me on Anitsha’s “LOVING” segment on LIVING (airs weekdays 10-11pm), then you must have heard me state how I have had in excess of 20 girlfriends in my short life (how old am I, you still ask? Well, quite a bit pre-30). You also probably heard me say that would be a story for another day, right? Well, because it is in Urban TV’s DNA to always deliver on promises, today is the day… sit around that imaginary fire and allow me tell…

Focus on specific qualities in people have had us miss out on not only better fits for partners, but also our partners’ best qualities when we’ve met them

Having over 20 ex-girlfriends is something I am proud of. This, not as a milestone in my life but because it taught me a major lesson in life… you don’t make these kinds of decisions subject to what you rigidly independently think or want, but in consideration of circumstances and other related factors…

I started those girlfriend things quite early (oh by the way, if you know my mom, she can never know of this… in her books, I am the good boy that waited until I was done with school, so kindly by force keep it that way, I’m simply her baby) so the major reason I ended up dating so many girls goes down to the fact that I didn’t even really know what love entailed. For me, love was perfect with no faults, a place where butterflies never stopped loitering around your tummy. I knew what to say to the girls at all times; when to tell them I missed them, when to be sweet, to buy them break-time snacks (God please bless me enough to be able to consistently match my dad on this ability), name it.

With that in my naive mind, when a girl disagreed with me on an issue I found trivial (even if it was just me in the whole wide world that found it so), IT WAS OVER! If a girl wore shoes that just didn’t seem the kind a girl the caliber my girlfriend should be wearing, OVER! Heck, sometimes I broke up with a girl because when I went for holiday coaching, I heard a girl sound more confident or intelligent than my girlfriend (kindly note that I didn’t have to have spoken with the girl at coaching to make the decision, I just knew it had to be) yeah, you guessed it; OVER. These things of innocently doing something and it just in mind looks like something I might have not liked in future, GONE she was. Sometimes I even led them to unnecessary arguments and had them end it because I had suspected they might not be perfect! Yes, just suspicion could end it in those good old days… sigh.

Many of these relationships ended after barely 2 weeks or a month and when they really lasted, 2 months tops. Kindly render NOT these relationships of mine as anything less than genuine; they were, at least for me. I always went in with great intent to make them work; my downfall all through 90 percent of them was plain rigidity.

You know how the best shopping is done when you know you’re going to the mall to just find a jumper and not when you go there looking for a specific grey one with red sleeves and a “D” on your chest area? How you will miss an even better option because you’re all focused on this one jumper? Well, the same applies to relationships, I have come to learn, albeit the hard way. I’d probably have just had 3 ex-girlfriends (drum rollllll, wait for that dreaded line) had I known better earlier.

All I am urging you to do is just be open-minded about love and who your partner could be. I will now tell you for a fact that the best quality time you’ll ever spend with your partner will be when you get to talk about how everything fatefully came together without you even noticing or forcing it. I do that with my fiancée all the time & it is simply priceless, lately even more as we hold our little daughter, the product of this challenge of a journey we chose to approach with an open mind. So let go already, go out and find love; if you already have it, pick a leaf if you haven’t already. And while at it, stay Urban, will you?

D'zyre recently holding his daughter, Desiree.
“A daughter needs a dad to be the standard against which she will judge all men.”